Ego Massage Parlour

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Ego Massage Parlours are where people go when they need an emotional boost.

There's nothing wrong with EMPs. They serve a very important purpose onSlab and should be encouraged. There definitely should be no stigma attached to anyone who visits an EMP. It's perfectly natural for anyone to feel a bit deflated or down from time to time, or maybe lose perspective about how truly great they are or maybe even, Dice forbid, suffer heartbreak or failure of some kind and need to re-build the strength and self-belief required to cope with the slings and arrows of our daily lives.

Anyone who laughs at those brave, open people who turn to their ego massage therapists for help and encouragement really should look deep within themselves and examine their hearts. Are they never frightened or worried about the future? Do they not feel guilt or despair? Are they so totally devoid of human empathy that they do not suffer existential pain? I think not. And that's why we need high quality, ethically managed and regulated EMPs. The ego therapists perform a desperately needed service and it is a shame and a crime that they are vilified and often forced to conceal their activities.

Celebrated Therapists

We applaud and respect Faith-Sincere Van Darwin's strength in leading the way and showing Slab what is needed. She is beautiful both inside and out and we trust that she will serve as an inspiration to us all. Faith's services are in such high demand that she is booked solid for the next 5 cykes although she might find a space for a really special client - which means, of course, that merely getting to see her already boosts your ego and she can just send you a bill.

BoCoLoCo Denial

BoCoLoCo is a chain of Body Conditioning salons, common throughout Seacombe and The Strip who offer praise and encouragement to their clients in order to generate what they refer to as a positive bio-feedback loop which they state enhances and sustains their body toning and therapeutic treatments. They deny that this technique crosses the line into ego massage and therefore claim that the company supplies a health service which is zero-rated for ExTax.

There are three bodies of people who strongly oppose this opinion;

  • the natural exercise nuts who voluntarily flog their aching frames around the Slabscape
  • the regular clients of official ego massage parlours[1] who are just the type of people who resent anyone else avoiding tax that they themselves have to pay
  • those people who are wired and have no real interest in bodily matters, but just don't want to have to pay any more tax than they already do.

Footnotes and references

  1. although these people usually protest through anonymous channels