Consciousness energy

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Note; the use of the word ‘soul’ to describe human consciousness energy is considered both vulgar and primitive amongst SlabIntelligencia. The tendency of humans to give measurable scientific phenomena a pseudo-spiritual or mystical value really should have died at Stonehenge. Come on people, can we all move on now?

It has long been recognised that consciousness is simply a quantum-energy, field-effect phenomenon. What was unclear until the mid-21st century was where this energy originated. Tireless research into human consciousness has narrowed the origin to a region of space known as the MacGoughin Sequester which, inevitably, implies that human consciousness is the result of alien infestation. While humans clearly are able to function in an unconscious state,[1] both alien and human alike are significantly better off if they learn to cooperate with each other.

This style of relationship is known as negotiated symbiosis.

Early clues

For as long as mankind has been sentient, it has been aware of what is usually referred to as 'the duality of man', or our internal struggles between good and evil, right and wrong, mind and body, morality and taxes. The concept of two or even three different entities occupying our corporal existence is enshrined in almost all ancient philosophies and religions.

Many people who have suffered a near fatality have often returned to life with consistent stories about being separated from the physical world and being able to move around outside their dying bodies and see impossible angles. Most accounts describe the perception of travelling down a dark tunnel towards a distant light. What is apparent now is that the consciousness was returning to the home planet. It wasn't a tunnel, it was the darkness of space and a brilliantly lit celestial body.

Trapping the alien

While human beings are rightly annoyed that they have been unwillingly infested by this alien energy, there is considerable evidence to suggest the aliens aren't too happy about it either. Some theorise that alien consciousnesses are in fact trapped by the emergence of a significant level of quantum activity in the human baby's brain. This has been likened to a vacuum which must be filled.

When a new born human baby opens its mouth to take in its first breath[2], it also opens its mind to suck in the nearest, unsuspecting alien consciousness who had most likely just been messing around in a cloud, hanging with friends or gambolling in the morning dew. The non-corporal alien is completely unable to resist the hugely powerful quantum vacuum. When it realises it has been trapped inside a human animal, and not a dolphin, which is what most of them would prefer, it gets so pissed off that it spends most of the next few months screaming blue murder and making life generally intolerable for everyone around it.

Creativity and consciousness

Consciousness is an energetic state of critical awareness and the root of all creativity. The purest acts of creativity require what many describe as ‘getting out of the way of oneself’. What this means in practice is that many 'low' level animal instincts and genetically inherited behaviours that deal with the ego, fear, sex and security have to be overridden by what many consider a ‘higher’ level of being, or consciousness. This leads us to the inevitable realisation that all acts of creativity are 'inspired' by the alien consciousness that resides within us. This is particularly irritating because it is only through creative acts that Homo sapiens (Latin: "wise man" or "knowing man") was able to rise from the swamp and build civilisations.

Non-biological consciousness

As has been stated, consciousness is a quantum level energy state. It can exist in any sufficiently complex structure where wide-scale parallel processing and simultaneous communication systems exist. Therefore all quantum level OnSlab autonomous units are conscious. No argument.[3]

Many have speculated that the collective source of human consciousness is in fact a machine-based culture.


Proof that human consciousness was in fact an alien infestation fundamentally upset almost all of the world's religions[4]. In those days, religion was one of the world's biggest businesses and they diverted massive resources in an attempt to disprove the findings. For the first time in human history, all of the major religions joined together to fight for ownership of the human soul.

However, despite irresponsible attempts by the gutter press and 'entertainment' media services to whip up a holy row about whether the human soul had been discovered, scientists and religious leaders universally agreed that human consciousness had nothing to do with the human soul. Everyone was happy and went home smiling. Most people persisted in interchanging the word 'soul' for human consciousness energy and eventually the stock prices of all the world's religions crashed in the great Blue Screen of Death Monday of 2117. For more detail see the fight for humanity's soul

Footnotes and references

  1. almost all teenagers go through a prolonged stage of unconscious unawareness of the world around them due to a painful existential conflict with the alien infestation which is desperately waiting for them to stop dicing around. Some may, often through the abuse of various psychoactive drugs or overdoses of hormones, manage to damage their own host environment sufficiently enough to ensure they never return to a full state of conscious awareness. Why these people would then feel compelled to congregate in California remains a mystery.
  2. if it hadn't previously gained consciousness in utero; a phenomenon closely correlated to the mother's propensity for natural therapies, incense sticks and lentils.
  3. No, seriously, no arguments. Who you going to argue with? Sis?
  4. there was one crazy bunch who said they'd predicted this type of thing since the mid twentieth century, but no-one ever took them seriously anyway.