How? Fascinating!

From Slabscapedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

How? Fascinating! described variously as; 'the single most boring band in the world - ever' (Melodious Sounds), 'the beginning, middle, and end of poly-math music' (Roll your own Rock) and 'the masters of transcendence of sound and rhythm' (Truth under Focus).

The band toured extensively around the colleges and campuses of northern Europe in the early fifties of the 21st Century, eventually disbanding in 2056.

Their seminal work 'to π are divine' a 3 hour, 14 minute, 15.926 second (to perceived fadeout) monotone which is only interrupted by manually operated beats describing the first integers of the Fibonacci series, can only be tolerated by using heavy doses of the drug Focus.


During a performance on 11th March 2056 in the student union of l'école d'étude d'ænglaise, Paris, Europe, more than 3,000 comatose-alert members of the audience broke into a spontaneous riot after approximately 1 hour 50 minutes of 'to π are divine'. What had occurred to spark off the fighting (from which 55 people were hospitalised and a further 89 injured) was a deliberate altering of the 19th number in the performance from 4181 to 4141 (the so-called 'enigma variation'). Naturally, every member of the audience instantly recognised the change and a multi-centred human cascade effect could be observed on the filmed recording of the event.

Approximately one-third of the audience assumed a mistake had been made and became agitated, causing localised disturbances. This pissed off a significant section of the audience who wanted to find out if the variation would be repeated or compensated for in the next number (6765). What the band had intended was never revealed because the resulting fracas broke the attention of everyone involved, including the 'musician' responsible for performing the next number who, as a result, simply stopped. The rest of the audience became so enraged by the fact that they had sat through almost two hours of mind-numbingly boring crap for nothing, that all hell let loose.


An interesting by-product of the Paris riot performance was the band's mathematical analysis of the human cascade effect leading to the development of a whole new series of crowd behavioural algorithms which were licensed to leading gaming companies and subsequently made the band a small fortune.

The verb 'to pire', meaning to pay obsessive attention to irrelevant trivia, to the extent of being dangerously oblivious to reality was supposedly inspired by the behaviour of typical fans of the band. Non-drug induced piration is supposedly the single most admired quality among Interns.

Both 55 and 89 are members of the Fibonacci series - a fact that escaped no one who was at the Paris riot.

No one is a recurring theme in all How? Fascinating! performances, eventually being the amount of people who turned up to see them in Liverpool University on Sept 4th 2056.


No one knows, or more accurately, cares who they were. We're just happy they're not still around.


  • dot dot dot (2053)
  • to π are divine (2054)
  • zero (2054)
  • the threepointonefouronefive rag (2055)
  • no one, none, nothing (2056)


"Our next number, is."