From Slabscapedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

The Institute for Research into the Already Known, founded 2061 by Milus Blondel a theoretical physics drop-out from Prague University. It was the largest and wealthiest privately owned corporation of the late 21st Century.

IRAK was responsible for several of Earth's most important scientific breakthroughs and discoveries of the time and would probably have been the most influential technology innovator of the next century by far, had it not just completed purchase of the State of California shortly before 85% of the land area was turned into Arizona Bay by the ill-judged experimental self-sequencing of a large scale version of one of IRAK's most successful products; the EMTI. (see the California Disappearance).

Subsequent to the tragic and simultaneous loss of almost all of its greatest intellectual talent, including Milus himself, the remaining directors of the company decided to go into the oil business in an attempt to harness the dwindling natural resources of the territorial water (pka California) it had successfully managed to claim mineral rights over after a long and expensive legal battle with both the United States and Mexico.

Unfortunately, another of the Institute's inventions, the Gravity Drive had drastically reduced the market for crude oil and once the Polar Rosette, another technology that had been vastly enabled by the DC polariser from IRAK's labs, came on-line in 2092, the market for refined petroleum products all but collapsed.

After the International Global Patent Release of 2095, the last remaining assets of the IRAK Oil Company were auctioned to pay off creditors, and the company folded.



Founded[1] as a private company by Milus Blondel (inventor) on July 4th 2061 using proceeds from the initial licensing of the EMTI technology to The Dry Cleaning Corporation of Wisconsin for an 'undisclosed sum'[2]. It was only after meeting up with Louis Clinton Drago (self proclaimed business 'gurulla') that Milus realised the immense significance of his discovery. Drago immediately took charge of the negotiations to buy back the exclusive license Milus had unwittingly agreed to, but despite, or perhaps because of, Drago's hard-faced style, the eventual settlement was for over US$45,000,000 after all residual royalties had been accounted for. It is believed that the expression "taken to the cleaners" originated from this event. Drago had been quoted afterwards as saying that it was 'pocket change' but the fact remains that he offered 'clothing tuned' EMTI's free of charge for every new wardrobe unit sold in America, thereby putting the Dry Cleaners out of business for good. At first this action precipitated much criticism, however, after the Dry Cleaning Scandal had been revealed, Drago and IRAK were hailed as heroes.

The Institute for Research into the Already Known was created as a non-profit foundation and it is true that it never made a book profit as all proceeds over and above running expenses and acquisitions were paid directly to the company principals.

Main Inventions/Discoveries

Matter Transmission

(M.T., EMTI or Emties) See Milus Blondel for background on the accidental discovery of instantaneous matter transmission. Based on the incomplete theory of Randomly Synchronised Spin, the Emti has become the default transportation mechanism for all non-living matter.

As a side note, the ancient profession of Plumbing was made obsolete by the invention of M.T. but as plumbers had become almost impossible to find anyway, no-one really noticed.

  • Already Known fact; Vanishing Socks

Katabatic Process

See Gravity Drive. Anti-gravity had long been the 'holy grail' of scientific exploration. That is, it had been lost, forgotten about and generally dismissed as a myth or provable impossibility. Milus Blondel was inspired to employ Michelle Maebelle when he overheard her admonishing her two year-old for not letting her pick him up by deliberately making himself heavier. She was instrumental in refining the spin experiments that ultimately lead to the discovery of the LaGrange Rejection Phenomena. There have been many who have protested her lack of recognition for the discovery and have petitioned for the renaming of the Volfson force to the Maebelle force. Michelle herself has often been quoted as saying that she only 'helped out around the labs' and that she was happy enough having a song named after her.

  • Already Known fact; the ability of children to manipulate their weight.

Direct Current Polarisation

The DC polariser was instrumental in increasing the efficiency of DC generating sources, specifically Solar Panels or photovoltaic cells by almost 2000% thereby making the production of electricity an almost entirely clean technology and ultimately, saving the planet. Although the underlying principals of 'coherent DC' are not fully understood (an irritating general theme for IRAK discoveries) it has been hypothesised that quantum coherence at the electron level can be obtained by what is described as forced filtering through hi-density, stationary photons (so called 'dark matter').

Most scientists disclaim this theory out of hand as complete garbage. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on whether you are a scientist or someone who now enjoys free electricity, courtesy of the Polar Rosette, it works regardless of which crackpot theory is used to explain it.

  • Already Known fact; Masers


Virtually unbreakable thread.

  • Already Known fact; unyielding perforations in toilet paper.

Sound fields

The cocoon of 'NoNoise'® that can be extended around a perimeter to prevent sound from travelling either into or out of the protected area.

  • Already Known fact; Espresso machine noise cancelling effect

False claims

The idea of Decoupled Momentum was claimed by Milus Blondel who had been searching for a long lasting supply of 'free' high amperage electrical energy to power his EMTI devices which required far too much current to make them feasibly portable. He had attempted to patent an idea which was so badly flawed it had been rejected by every patent office on Earth. In frustration, he resorted to rumour techniques in order to stimulate the research and development he was unable to figure out for himself.

Footnotes and references

  1. original company name 'Cool Stuff from No-Hopers Inc.'
  2. US$25,000