This waiver must be agreed to by anyone who wishes to live outside zone61 and have full freedom to explore Slab. This disclaimer allows the SlabEconomy to be free of the distortion of inflated costs needed to cover contingent liabilities and keeping millions of lawyers in expensive apartments.
Signing or officially recording your voice agreement to this disclaimer means giving up your ability to sue others (including the universe) for your own Dice-ups. It covers everything that's in the disclaimer at the point of signing as well as anything that's added later. The added date of all new disclaimers are recorded and it is your responsibility to keep up to date with latest additions. Sis default will notify you of all additions so you have no excuse.
Ignorance of disclaimers added after you formally agreed to this disclaimer is also disclaimed.
I hereby declare I know that;
- Life is inherently risky and it's up to me to deal with the risks without trying to blame other people.
- I'm responsible for my own stupidity and others are responsible for theirs.
- Some things don't work, some things work at some times but not at others for no apparent reason - that's just the way it is.
- Hot coffee is hot - it will scald me if I spill it on myself, the same goes for hot tea, hot soup, hot chocolate and in fact any hot beverages that are usually served hot. I don't have to be told it's hot to know it's probably hot and I don't need any stupid signs telling me it's hot.
- Running into solid walls, unauthorised transvex doors and windows will harm me and it's my fault if I do it. Likewise falling from heights, hitting myself with heavy implements, or getting in the way of fast moving solid objects.
- If I eat too many high fat foods or intake more energy from food than I expend, I will put on weight, which will affect my health. The providers of the food are not to blame. I am.
- Inhaling smoke of any kind is likely to harm me. Deliberately inhaling tobacco smoke may very well kill me and I don't need huge ugly signs on the packaging to warn me about this because I already know.
- Becoming a parent has many obligations, restrictions and hardships attached to it. I am not entitled to whinge, moan, complain, or go on endlessly about my offspring to those who choose not to be parents. Equally, I have no right to shove images of babies under people's noses while insisting how cute, beautiful, or miraculous they are and expect anything other than a grunt in response.
- If I find anhydrous packets for keeping things dry, or small promotional gifts inside food packaging, I know not to eat them.
- 'Feelings' is a monumentally terrible song but I have no right to complain about it being performed by appalling husband and wife duo cabaret acts - I can always leave.
- Entertainment is usually fictional and I don't have to believe it or carry out the things I see or experience while being entertained. Specifically, I probably do not have superpowers and will damage myself if I behave as if I do.
- If I ever leave anything that belongs to me anywhere without arranging specific security for it, it is not the responsibility of the management, the owners, the attendants or the universe - it's mine.
- I do not have to believe everything I read, am told, overhear or imagine. But if I do, it's my responsibility to find out if it's true or not.
- Doing dangerous things with or without protective clothing, safety-nets or qualified supervisors is still dangerous and liable to cause me harm - or even harm to others for which I might be liable if they were not aware they were in a potentially dangerous situation or zone.
- British Telecom is the worst customer relations company in the known universe and it is their fault.
- Sharp rotating blades will damage me if I interrupt their motion with any part of my body. I do not need to be warned in six different ways to wait until they stop rotating before carrying out blade maintenance because I am not dumb-ass stupid.
- Alcohol, drugs and other intoxicants are intoxicants and will get me intoxicated if I use them to excess. It's up to me to know when this happens and if I don't because I'm too intoxicated, that's my fault. Intoxicants are also toxic, the clue is in the name - overindulgence could kill me.
- Loud noises damage hearing - if I turn up my music too loud and listen to it at high volumes for prolonged periods I could go deaf - that's my choice, these are my ears and if I want to bang my head against solid matter while listening that is also my choice and I do not care that you think it is a moronic thing to do.
- Reading humorous books during or immediately after surgery may lead to convulsive laughter and bring on complications including rupture, loss of urinary control, death or worse. The author of the work is not responsible, I am.
- Insulting people, calling them wind farmers or accusing them of doing anti-social things is likely to make them angry and result in personal injury - especially, but not exclusively, if the accusations are true.
This Life disclaimer does not claim to be definitive. Slabscapedia denies all liability for any non-inclusion, errors or omissions including any error in this sentence.
Footnotes and references
- But if you give me coffee that has been superheated to levels dangerously above drinking temperature that will cause 3rd degree burns if spilled, then your ass is going to get sued
- This is not so much a disclaimer as a warning (and a moan).
- Which is it.
- Everything seems funnier under an anaesthetic - nitrous oxide exponentially so
- this means you, Kevin
- Otherwise Sis will assume you are sending spam and will fry your terminal
- note; Slabscapedia reserves the right to modify, ignore or deride any submissions and does not guarantee inclusion into this Life disclaimer page or even getting your name credit right. That is another disclaimer and falls under the Life disclaimer terms